I grew up in an argumentative home. My parents fought with each other. My two older sisters fought with each other and with my parents. My younger brother and I fought with each other when things didn’t go the way we wanted them to for either him or me. My parents were always threatening suicide and even tried to shoot each other on one occasion.
I survived by escaping to the woods and sitting in silence watching the beauty of God’s creation. I would make my way back to the farm-house slowly hoping that everyone had cooled off and the arguing had stopped.
I was very uncomfortable with all of the arguing and tension. It went against my gentle and shy personality. It grated on my soul. It made me withdraw into myself and away from whoever was arguing at the moment. It affected my schooling. I wet my pants at least three times in my first years of school. That experience was embarrassing and humiliating. Kids can be cruel to one another. Some of my teachers were harsh which further intimidated me into my shell.
I survived by finding one or two buddies who were gentle and friendly. I sought comfort. I desired to be comfortable. I needed others to be gentle toward me. If the teacher was gentle and kind, I made good grades. If the teacher was harsh and impatient, I made average grades or even a D. If the group was loud and aggressive I withdrew to the sidelines. If they were fun-loving and easygoing, I joined in.
Fortunately, I learned to be more confident as I progressed through school. I graduated as an average student. I was never comfortable giving a book report and still dislike speaking before a group of strangers. I like to blend in and listen and then comment on what and with whom I am comfortable with in the given situation.
God has been merciful to me and has drawn me to Him by the power of His Holy Spirit in my senior year of high school. He called me to the ministry which scared me to death, and I struggled with preaching before the student body in chapel. Yet through it all I have learned to escape to His Presence via prayer, reading the Bible, good Christian books on Bible topics, instead of having to retreat to the woods. His Presence is what gives me boldness, confidence and acceptance that everything is going to turn out ok. David sang, “In His Presence is fullness of joy and at His right hand there are pleasures forevermore.” David also said, “He that dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.”
I must have died a thousand deaths emotionally growing up from fear, uncertainty, anxiety, insecurity, lack of self-worth, lack of acceptance, lack of approval, lack of achievement, and lack of confidence. I was very uncomfortable when tension and arguments were ready to erupt into violence or attempted suicide.
Yet God did such a work in my life that I was able to quote scripture to the government official who reported directly to the President of Malawi, which in turn changed his mind about throwing me into an African prison. (charges later proven false) Jesus told us not to take thought about what we should say when brought before kings for His Name’s sake, as His Holy Spirit would speak through us at that hour. That is exactly what He did for me in Malawi. God took me from insecurity to security, from shyness to boldness, from insecure to confident, from fear of giving a book report to testifying to government officials holding the keys to my freedom and future, and from unaccepted and unapproved to accepted and anointed by His Power!
As I age and my body rebels against the normal functions of everyday life, I begin to contemplate the time of my death. My dad was 83 when he died from pneumonia and mom was 87 when she died of stroke after suffering for several years with dementia. Will I live that long? Only God knows the day of our death. All we can do is be ready when He calls us home.
Paul said he would rather be away from this body of flesh and be at home with the Lord. (II Cor. 5:8)
To be comfortable in a gathering of people or in someone else’s house, is said to “feel at home”.
We all will die. We all start aging and deteriorating as soon as we are born. Each day, each year shows itself on our faces and bodies as we look in the mirror each morning. Just like a car, our parts wear out and even when we try to maintain, we find the car and our body just looking, sounding and acting its age.
The question is how will we die? In peace or with anxiety? Will we feel at home or like a stranger? Where we go after we die, will we feel comfortable or uncomfortable?
Many of us have been hurt in this life. We all have made mistakes that have cost us dearly in our personal relationships and in our relationship with God. We carry the pain, the regrets, shame, guilt, scars and many times condemnation from others who feel superior to us and are proud that they have never made the same mistakes that we have.
I often think back on personal experiences with family, and fellow ministers. I have been blest with many good experiences, but I have also endured some very bad experiences. Life is a mine field and if you make the wrong step, you can be maimed for life, or die spiritually and grow emotionally cold.
What will it be like when we all see each other in our spirit bodies in the afterlife? Will we be comfortable in seeing so and so there? Will it be awkward to have to talk with them? Will they treat us ill because of what has been said and done? Will they get their own little corner of heaven assigned to them and we will have ours, where we don’t have to intermingle with them on a continual basis?
A number of years ago, Newsweek magazine carried the story of the memorial service held for Hubert Humphrey, former vice-president of the United States. Hundreds of people came from all over the world to say good-bye to their old friend and colleague. But one person who came was shunned and ignored by virtually everyone there. Nobody would look at him, much less speak to him. That person was former president Richard Nixon. Not long before, he had gone through the shame and infamy of Watergate. He was back in Washington for the first time since his resignation from the presidency.
Then a very special thing happened, perhaps the only thing that could have made a difference and broken the ice. President Jimmy Carter, who was in the White House at that time, came into the room. Before he was seated, he saw Nixon over against the wall, all by himself. He went over to [him] as though he were greeting a family member, stuck out his hand to the former president, and smiled broadly. To the surprise of everyone there, the two of them embraced each other, and Carter said, “Welcome home, Mr. President! Welcome home!”
Commenting on that, Newsweek magazine asserted, “If there was a turning point in Nixon’s long ordeal in the wilderness, it was that moment and that gesture of love and compassion.”
I believe that if we are comfortable with God on a daily basis in this life, when it comes time to die, we will be comfortable with God as He leads us to Heaven for eternity.
I also believe that as Jimmy Carter approached the unapproachable Nixon at Humphrey’s funeral, Jesus Christ will step right up and take our hand and put His arms around us and cause the whole of heaven to say, “Welcome home, Jim! Welcome home!”
On the other hand, if we die without Christ as our Lord and Savior, and without a personal daily experience with His Holy Spirit, then we are going to be very uncomfortable with the one who stands and reaches forth his hand toward us. Jesus said we cannot serve two masters. We have to love one and hate the other. We cannot love both at the same time. The devil seeks to steal, kill and destroy all the good in our lives including good relationships. When we meet up with him after we leave this body at death, there is no reason to think that he is going to make us feel at home and accepted. He hates us now and he will hate us for eternity, even if we live with him in hell.
I had my share of contention, fear and insecurity in my youth and at other times in my life. I don’t want to dwell for eternity in a place with an evil one whose house is nothing but chaos, tension, fear, horror, evil, and destruction of all that is good.
If you should die today; will you be comfortable and feel at home? Today is the time to ask God for forgiveness and to empower you with His Holy Spirit to be able to resist evil and reach toward all that pleases Him in this life….only then will you feel at home with Him when He calls your name to stand before Him….only then will you feel comfortable, accepted and loved for all of eternity…only then will you feel that you fit in and belong right where He places you….not because of the good that you have done…for no one can be good enough to measure up to God….but because of His undeserved grace and mercy that He extends to you as a free gift….because you asked Him to forgive and empower you to live for Him instead of yourself and this world….